A “Lawyer” profession is listed among some of the respectful professions, as lawyers work to represent individuals and corporations in civil trials, and to promote justice in criminal trials. One of the other reasons behind the importance of lawyers is that all individuals are equal, and each person deserves an equal chance to receive legal justice, and a lawyer helps them in fighting for their these battles.
If you’re a lawyer, then we’re sorry in advance. Behind creating this article, we’re are not intended to harm the feelings or sentiments of people associated to this respectful profession. Take this article just as a laugh treat.
Here we have enlisted some of the Most Hilarious and Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes, which are categorized in several headings: Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes, Hilarious Lawyer Puns, Best Lawyer Jokes 2022, Clean Lawyer Jokes, Dirty Lawyer Jokes, Short Lawyer Jokes, Attorney Jokes, Criminal Law Jokes, and Personal Injury Lawyer Jokes.
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Let’s have a laugh session:-
Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
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Why did the lawyer wear a suit to bed? He wanted to have a brief sleep.
What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth? The wooden partitions around the witness stand.
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.
What do you call a group of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud — sooner or later, you realize they like it.
Hilarious Lawyer Puns
The semicolon who committed the neighbourhood robberies was administered two consecutive sentences by the lawyer.
Abraham Lincoln never had to call for a lawyer because he was already in a cent.
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The lawyer won the luggage lawsuit in less than 6 hours. It turned out to be a brief case.
A photograph hurriedly rushed into his attorney’s office and screamed, “I think someone is framing me!”.
The police knocked over a man’s lamp while searching his apartment for clues related to a robbery. “That wasn’t warranted!”, he exclaimed.
What’ the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
Know how copper wire was invented? Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Clean Lawyer Jokes
A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”
The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So what’s the catch?”
A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time. Judge: “Where do you work?” Defendant: “Here and there.” Judge: “What do you do for a living?” Defendant: “This and that.” Judge: “Take him away.” Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?” Judge: “Sooner or later.”
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute stops screwing you when you’re dead.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a pig? A lawyer who is never wrong, but smells like bacon.
Why did the lawyer go broke? He couldn’t pass the bar.
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Dirty Lawyer Jokes
Why do they bury lawyers in a hole 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in a million have a chance of becoming human over time.
Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
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Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients? It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.
What happened to the lawyer who took viagra? He grew a few inches taller.
What is the difference between lawyers and leeches? Leeches go away once you are dead.
Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other side of the settlement.
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What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a sheep? A ewe-nique defense strategy.
Short Lawyer Jokes
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge
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How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
Why did the lawyer go to heaven? He thought it was a class action suit.
There are three sorts of lawyers – able, unable and lamentable. – Robert Smith Surtees
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A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. – Lord Brougham
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a sperm? At least sperm is only one cell.
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
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What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? Your Honor.
Attorney Jokes
The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”
How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees.”
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Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foreskin from slipping over their heads.
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”
“Honest?” replies Peterson. “Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” “Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”
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“Dad sued me for the money.”
How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
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Criminal Law Jokes
A criminal lawyer tells the defendant, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the defendant. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”
What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”. The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars”. “A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?” “It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
Why did the lawyer refuse to wear a mask? He wanted to plead the fifth amendment.
Why did the lawyer go to the bank? To get his briefs.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
Personal Injury Lawyer Jokes
“Where there is a will there is a lawsuit” — Addison Mizner
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” “You are the lawyer.” said the policeman. “Exactly, so where’s my present?” replied the lawyer.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other is a fish.
It’s on the Reminder List I sent you Monday. It’s on the Nag list I sent you Tuesday. It’s on the PLEASE list I sent you Wednesday. It’s on the URGENT list I sent you Thursday. It’s on the THIS IS GOING TO BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE list I sent you Friday.
Why do they call it legal briefs? Because after reading them, you’re brief.
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Why did the lawyer wear a necktie? To keep the foreskin from slipping over his head.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.
Deez Nuts is a slang term that is used to butt into any conversation and make a mess of the proceedings. In a purely literary sense, it refers to the testicles and is used to alter or disrupt the flow of any conversation.
The origin of the word can be first traced to an album by Dr. Dre titled ‘Deeez Nuuuts’ which was released in 1992. The song features a telephonic conversation between a man and a woman and during the conversation, the man suddenly cries-“Deez nuts!” and within a year the phrase became a common feature among hip-hop and R&B artists. By 1993 the term appeared in many titles of songs by the rapper A.L.T. and the R&B group Xscape. The term thus became a tool for disruptive interruption of any conversation.
The original mention of the phrase happened in Dr Dre’s song and the phrase continued to be in use for years until 2015 when an Instagram user named WelvenDaGreat uploaded a video that featured himself in conversation with a friend telling a Deez Nuts joke and the video became an instant internet sensation and became viral in no time.
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However, it was a strange turn of events that had a twist of irony when Deez Nuts became a Presidential candidate and scored third place in the public polls just behind Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. A 15-year-old Iowa native named Brady Olson registered the pseudonym to vent his frustration against both the two major political parties who were in the fray.
The very fact that something like the phrase Deez Nuts can be inserted in a serious occasion like the US Presidential election caught the attention of the general public. The public even believed that WelvenDaGreat, who created the Deez Nuts conversation banter in his YouTube video, was indeed the Presidential candidate.
With the sudden spurt in Social media platforms often phrases and slang become the trend and widely used in the content which are uploaded on these platforms. Deez Nuts can be used by both genders and is often used as a tension breaker during conversations. It is generally used for trolling or can also be used to show disapproval during any conversation by referring to something overtly inappropriate like a sexual act.
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Today Deez Nuts has become a very common online meme and is often also used in prank calls and prank videos. There is no paucity of online memes based on Deez Nuts.
Here is a collection of amusing Deez Nuts Jokes, which have the potential to make you laugh till you are in splits-
Amusing Deez Nuts Jokes To Laugh Out Loud
#1
Hello Darling! I need new sports shoes, Can I get some money from you??
Yes.. But..
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Hey, I don’t what to listen to “BUTS” Hmm.
Fine then, I’ll only give you Deez Nuts.
#2
Do you know a guy named Barry?
Yes, I do. Well, Barry Deez nuts!
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#3
Do you want to rent a sloop for today?
– Sloop on Deez Nuts!
#4
Hey, I met someone at the store today who said that they were actually ugondese.” – Where’s that, I’ve never heard of it. Set location to UgonDeez nuts
#5
Excuse me however do you Bofa?
– Bofa? I don’t think so?
Bofa Deez Nuts!
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#6
Where’s your munyayo? – Huh? What’s that? DEEZ NUTS
#7
Me: Have you ever been to Chewons? You: No. What’s Chewons? Me: Chew on Deez Nuts
#8
Have you ever gone to a trade expo?
– Yes, I love expos.
#9
Are you going this afternoon?
– Going where
Down on Deez Nuts!
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#10
Me: Have you ever been to Chewons?
– You: No. What’s Chewons?
Me: Chew on Deez Nuts!
#11
Hey, what’s 4*2? – 8. why?
You eight Deez Nuts!
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#12
Do you prefer the Yankees or the Expos? – Expos Deez Nuts!
OR
Yank on Deez Nuts!
#13
#14
Can you name a state that starts with a ‘K’ besides Kentucky?
– No, what?
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Have you heard of the state, Kandeeznutsfitinyourmouth?
#15
Do you like riding on trains?
– Yes.Because you can ride on Deez Nuts!
#16
Do you want me to buy one of these? – Yeah sure How about two of Deez Nuts.
#17
I am so sick of this. This sucks! – What sucks? You suck on Deez Nuts!
#18
Me: Do you find parodies funny? Friend: Yeah, sometimes I do. Me: Well, how about a pair of Deez Nuts Enya Mouth?!
#19
Do you want to come with me to the West Indies?
– The West Indies?
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#20
You can’t have my heart,
– But you can hold my Deez Nuts!
#21
Don’t sit on that! – Sit on what? SIT ON Deez Nuts!
#22
Do you guys want some of my goodies? – Yes, we do! Okay, here’s a bag of good Deez Nuts!
#23
You will never guess who I saw hanging out together.
– Who?
Deez Nuts!
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#24
What is your favourite day of the week? Mine is Wednesday. – I don’t know. Why Wednesday? Because that’s the only day when you can eat Deez Nuts.
#25
Do you know Mr. Felfor that lives next door? – Mr. Feltfor? I don’t think so. Why? Because you FELL FOR DEEZ NUTS!
#26
How did your doctor’s appointment go? – It was OK, but I have a vitamin D deficiency. I need to spend more time outside. I can help you to get that D. -How? I’m willing to give you some of Deez Nuts!
#27
“Honeys be like “Meth”; I be like “What?”
– “We want some free CDs”; I be like “See Deez Nuts!”
#28
Knock, knock.
-Who’s there?
-It’s your boy Dee, open up!
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-Dee, who? -Deez nuts!
#29
Do you like boats? -Yes. What is your favorite type of boat? -I like fishing boats. How about tugboats? -They are powerful Tug on Deez Nutz
#30
“Hey, man are you leaving? Leaving what?
– LEAVING DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH”.
#31
Knock, knock! – Who’s there?
It’s your boy Dee, open up!Dee, who? Deez Nuts!
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#32
Have you ever heard about the Russian millionaire Ivan Putindese? – Ivan Putindese? Yes, the Ivan PutinDEEZ Nuts!
#33
Knock Knock Who’s there? Candice! Candice who? Candice nuts fit in your mouth?
#34
OMG Guys! Did you hear what happened to Justin?
– Justin time for Deez Nutz!
#35
You know where Norway is?
– Norway Deez Nuts can fit in yo mouth!
#36
Excuse me, do you sell Foshake?
– Foshake? I don’t think so?
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Foshake Deez Nuts!
#37
Can you imagine dragons flying in the sky? Yes, I can. Then Imagine dragging Deez Nuts across your mouth.
#38
Wanna join me on a trip to The Andes? -The Andes? Where’s that supposed to be? It’s right next to the valley of An Deez Nuts!
#39
Teacher: I’m sorry, but I’ve graded your paper, and I’m going to have to give you a D. Student: Well, I’m sorry too, because I need to give you Ds also. Teacher: What do you mean? Student: Deez Nuts!
#40
What is your favorite animation studio? That’s easy, Walt Deez Nutz!
#41
Do you like parodies?
Yes, sometimes.
Then you’ll love it when I give you a pair of Deez Nuts!
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#42
I can’t believe that Sophia speaks Ligondese. Ligondese? Yes, Lig-on-dese Nuts!
#43
Sometimes I miss cassette tapes. Well, if you want, I cassette Deez Nuts on your face.
#44
What’s your favorite Pokémon?
Rhydon
Then come and Rhydon Deez Nuts!
#45
Did you just get beaten up by a Pokémon trainer? Shut up! He really Hitmontop Deez Nuts
#46
Come to the Dark Side; we’ve got Deez Nuts!
#47
Anakin got mad because he couldn’t handle the weight of… Deez Nuts
#48
I’d like to get Princess Leia on Deez Nuts
#49
Feeling Drowzee? Rest your head on Deez Nuts!
#50
What’s the most nervous Pokémon? Bewear Deez Nuts!
Double Meaning Jokes SMS or Double Meaning Messages are those Jokes SMS Messages which have two meanings. These messages are used to mislead somebody which is why it’s referred to as dual meaning chutkule. In case you are looking for some very funny Double Meaning jokes then you might be in the right place.
Now we have an assortment of double-meaning textual content messages and jokes. Hope you’ll like these twin-meaning jokes and for those who like this please suggest this page to your friends. Have fun and luxuriate in your stay right here. Ship these double-meaning joke messages to your good friend’s mobile.
Double Meaning Jokes for Friend
1
Lady in bus: – aapka kuchch touch ho raha hai. Adami: – oh, vo meri salary hai pocket mein. Lady : – saale haraami ! teri salary 5 mint mein 3 gun badh gayi ?:
2
Sunny leone Comedy nights with kapil mein aayi to ek darhsak ne kaha “main aap ka bahut bada prashanshak hoon. mainne aapaki saari filmein dekhi hain.
kya main aapake saath aap ki film ka ek step kar sakta hoon? is par siddhu ne kaha
“Guru, har peela phool aam nahin hota, har seeta ka pati ram nahin hota. thodi jeb dheeli karo aur hotal ka kharcha, kyoki ye vo step hai jo khule aam nahin hota. thoko.
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3
Ladka: aaj bada pyaar aa raha hai… Ladki: jaanu, tum aaj mujhase ek waada karo Ladka: jo tumhaara dil kare… vo maang lo Ladki: baby, wo jo saamane laal rang ki Car khadi hai na.. Ladka: haan…haan.. Ladki: jaanu, mujhe wo doge kya! Ladka: main tumhe usee laal rang ki lipistick doonga
4
Santa bank me manager ban gaya achanak bank me daaku aa gaye
Daaku santa se: pent utaar Santa: maarna mat utarta hu. Daaku: ab hath utha santa ne daaku pe 4 thappad jad die Daaku: Are saale maar kyon rha hai? Santa darte hue. bhai apne hi to bola hath utha
5
Sheela – sir aaj kuchh naya padhaiyee Teacher – bachchon har baat ke do matalab nikalate hain Sheela – nikaal ke dikhaiyee sir Teacher – Baith ja beti Teri is baat ke bhi do matalab nikalte hain
6
Patni: Nashta Karlo. Husband: Sx hi Mera nashta hai. (Aur pati sx karne lag jata haj) Dopahar ko Patni: Lunch Karlo. Husband: Sx hi Mera lunch hai, • (Aur pati sx kame lag Jata haj) (Raat k0 jab pati ghar aata hai toh Patni panty utaar kar heater ke aago baithi hoti haj) Husband: Ye kya hai Patni : Hawas ke pujari khana garam kar rahi hun.
7
Chati se chati mili, mila ched se ched, ghasa ghas hone lage, nikla safed safed, batao kya? Ans. Aata chakki
8
Aurat bade pyar se kholti hai aur ek anjan admi bade pyar se karta hai batao kya? Ans – aurat bde pyar se darwaja kholti hai aur admi use namaste karta hai?
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9
What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love? Ans – Heart
10
Who is the best goalkeeper in the world? All women since they never allow balls to enter.
Girlfriend- KYA? Boy- Ghabrao Mat… Me mazaak kar raha hu, Bas tumhari tight karni thi..
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2
Chotu: Auntyji, you have a Bungalow, Cars, Bank balance, Nauker-Chaaker.., Aap karti Kya Hai..?? Sunny Leone replies:- Bas Beta, Ek Chhota Sa ‘HOLE-SALE’ ka Business hai.
3
Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip.. take out your.. book from your bag and study.
4
1 Lady Travel Agent ke Pass Gayi, Aur Kaha ke Mujhe Honey Moon Ke Bilkul Saste Package Batao Travel Agent: 50 Thousand Me 3 Countries, & 25 Thousand Me 1 Country
Lady: Aur Koi Is Se Sasta.? Travel Agent: Ek Package Bilkul Free Hai… Lekin Usmein Husband Hamaari Company Ka Hoga..!
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5
Sharma ji ki party me dinner karte hue Verma ji ke pas Mrs Sharma akar boli: Bhaisaab, apne to kuch liya hi nahi!” Or 1 chicken ka leg-piece utha ke unki plate mein rakh diya. Party khatam hone par Sharma ji ne Verma ji se puchha: “Khana kaisa tha?” Verma Ji: Dishes to sabhi badiya thi, par end mein bhabhi ji ne jo taang utha ke di, maza aa gaya!
6
Girl to doctor: Meri Umar 17 saal hai aur meri skin bohat soft aur sensitive hai.. Mera rang bhi bohat gora hai.. mein raat ko kya laga kar soya karun?
Doctor: KUNDI
7
BF: I wanna kiss on Your Lips GF: Upper Lips? or Lower Lips BF: What? GF: Horizontal Lips? or vertical Lips? BF: I didn’t Understand GF: Jaa Beta Jaake Pogo dekh.
8
Dulhan: Aaa Aaa… Dard ho raha hai, aaram se karo!
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Dulha: Kuch nahi hoga… bas tum das tak gino… mein nikaal lunga.
Sex Karne Ke Baad Husband Bola: Darling, Airtel ka BALANCE Khatam Ho Gaya..!!–Itne Me Padosi Ka Baccha Apni chaddi utar Ke bola: Aunty VODAFONE ka chota recharge chalega..??
4
Wife- Bohot Machhar kaat rahe hain. Misba Ul Haq- Goodnight ya All Out? Wife- Goodnight laga do. All out to aap roz hi hote ho.
5
Teacher: What came 1st Sun or Moon ??? Santa: obviously Moon.. Teacher: How? Santa: Madam ji Honey’moon’ hoga tabhi to ‘Son’ ayega na !
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6
Girl: If you will propose me with shortest sentence ever then only I will accept .. .. Boy: DEGI?
7
What is the thing that a man hides and women shows while walking? Answer – Purse
8
Woh kya hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai? Ans. Pocket.
9.
Why are women more talkative than men? Because they have four lips.
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10
Boy: Mujhse Shaadi Karlo Mera Bahut Lamba hai! Girl: Kyaa?? Boy: Anubhav Girl: Ohh Thik Hai, Mein Taiyaar Hun Mera Bhi Kaafi Gehra Hai Boy: Kyaa?? Girl – Aatmavishwas
11
Saas: Ye bartan kisne tode…
Bahu: Ji hamari ladai hogayi thi…
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Saas: Accha to ye palang kaise tuta…
Bahu: Ji haamara samjhauta hogaya tha!!
12
Badi behen honeymoon par gayi!
Choti ne message kiya, didi jo jeans di thi, usse jarur pehanana!
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Didi ne jawab diya, iss haramkhor ne 4 din se chaddi nahi pehanane di, aur tujhe jeans ki padi hai?
13
A beautiful lady was speaking to a General at a party: Lady: When was the last time you had sex? General: 1945. Lady: Oh my God! How about some now ? General: [Looks at his watch] No, I’m cool. It’s only 2030.
14.
Tujhe Dekh Ke Khara Hota Hai Meri Hasraton ka Minaar…
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Wah Wah…
Ab Jhuk Jara Daal Dun Tere Gale Mein Phoolon Ka Haar…
Be Positive Mere yaar…
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15.
Biwi Ko Din Mein Karoge To Vo Sust Rahegi…
Sham Ko Karoge To Chust Rahegi…
Roj Karoge To Tandrust Rahegi…
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Karte Rahoge To Khush Rahegi…
“Office Se Sirf 1 Call”
16.
Sunny Leone is casted in the sequel of
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Hum Aapke Hain Kaun… With Family Song…
Bhabhi Tum Khushiyon ka Khajan…
Dicckk Tana Dik tana a dck tana!
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Funny Double Meaning Jokes
1
Girl: Bas Kro Aur Kitna Karoge Raat Ke 12 Baje Se Kar Rahe Hain Ab Subha Ho Gyi Hai Thake Nhi Kya…???
Boy: Ye To Kuch Nhi, Ab Main To Din Raat Karunga Qki Mere To 3000 Sms Free Hai…!!!
2
Usne Utaari Saree, Fir Aayi Paticoat Ki Bari, Blouse To Pahle Hi Diya Tha Utar…!!!
;; ;; ;; Zayda Excited Mat Ho Yaar, Yeh Tha Kapray Sukhane Ka Taar…
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3
Ladkiyan apas me Gale Milte waqt Kya Sochti Hai…??
Is Ke To Mujh se Bhi Zyada “Bade” Ho Gye hai…!!
;;
;;
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;;
Pta nhi kaunsa shampoo use karti hai, “BAALON” pe…!!!
Girl: Kal raat to hadd he ho gayi, Uff 2 ghante! meri to jaan he nikal gayi Saare kapre geele ho gaye Pehle to ek ghanta karte the Magar kal to poore 2 ghante tak bina ruke kiya 1 Ghanta hi buhat tha . . . ye 2 Ghante ki Load Shedding to jaan he nikal leti hai.
5
Ek Aurat Auto Rukwa Kar Paise Pay Karte- Karte Doosre Auto Mein Baith Gayi . Pehla Auto Wala Hadbadi Mein Jaldi-Jaldi Se Bola.
Auto Wala: “Ye Kya Baat Hui, Madam? Khada Aapne Mera Karwaya, Aur Chadd Doosre Par Gayi?“
6
14 Saal Ka Ladka Apne Pados Ki Aunty Se Puchhta Hai, Ladka: “Aunty, Ladkiyon Ko 12 Saal Ki Umar Mein Bachcha Hota Hai Kya?” Aunty: “Nahi” Ladka: “To Fir Apni Beti Ko Samjhao Na, Faltu Mein Condom Ka Kharcha Karwati Hai“
7
Wo kaun si cheez hai jisme ladkiyaan ladke se kahti hai aur jyada andar daalo? Answer- sui me dhaga
8
What starts with an ‘S’ and ends with a ‘K’ and you can’t enjoy it until you put it in your mouth? Snack.
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9
My friend told me, he was working on a special Project “Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium, and Steel under a constrained environment” I was impressed. Later when I come to know that idiot was washing utensils in warm water, under the supervision of his wife !!
10
I was flying Lufthansa from New Delhi to Vienna. It’s a long, 8 hr flight and mine was a late night one.
Most of the air hostesses were blue eyed blondes for the exception of one lady who was a bit older, perhaps in her 40s.
So people were settling in to sleep while I was still finishing my dinner and many people kept calling for the hostesses, some for water, some for blankets..
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The blondes were quite pretty. I pressed the flight call attendant button hoping one of them would turn up and I’d perhaps strike up a conversation as I wasn’t sleepy.
But the older lady turned up for me. So I just told her that they are doing a great job and I’m enjoying my flight with them. She paused for a second and looked at me intently and said, “thanks, but is there something you want young man?”
I took a moment. And then quietly said :
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“I’d love to have another one of these mango mousses”
She smiled, went back and got me TWO.
11
Papp galli mein peshab kar raha tha…
Tabhi vahan se ek ladki nikli…
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Pappu ko peshab karta dekhkar…
Ladki vahan ruk gayi…
Pappu – Dariya mat!
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Aap jissase dar rahi hain
usse mene pakad rakha hai!
12
Tu ameer ghar ki ladki hai isliye shayad tere itna bade hain…
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Tere inn badon ke chakkar mein mere armaan khade hain.
13
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”
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The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”
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Baap apne bete the result lene school gaya!
Baap: Madam kab dogi? Kaafi der se mera Pappu khada hai.
Laughing is essential in life and this sense, Jokes play an important role in tickling. Start your day with these 100+ Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry. These Hilarious Jokes, we have gathered for you by the suggestions from our team members. Hope you will like our collection of 100+ “Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry”. These one-liners would also make great custom t-shirts to gift to your friends or to express your geeky and comical side.
101 Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry
What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill!
I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel like it’s good enough? – Impasta Syndrome!
Dear life, when I said “Can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I’m so tired of saying “Oh shit, my mask…”. Like I’m Batman or some shit.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry!
What do cows read the most? Cattle-logs.
What did 0 say to 8? “Nice belt.”
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.
What does a spy do when he is cold? He goes undercover.
What would bears be without bees? Ears.
What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
Why can you never hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
One night an aeroplane was burglarized, and all the toilet paper was stolen. When the police came to investigate, their report was inconclusive, because they had nothing to go on.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? DAM!
Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give to me learn that lesson myself.
I admit that my level of weirdness is above the average, but i’m comfortable with it.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
One-Liner Jokes
My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.
I said to my friend, “Let’s take turns naming American vice-presidents, Al Gore first.”
My friend’s selling a load of broken yo-yos, no strings attached.
I tried drag racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.
I went geese hunting the other day but once they started flying I knew the game was up.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Where does the general put his armies? In his sleeves.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local library wasn’t too happy about it.
It’s really important to obey the laws of grammar, after all, rules are rules.
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Hilarious Jokes for Adults
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes
What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? A penis
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.
You don’t need a driver license to ride me.
My entire life can be summed up in one sentence… “well that didn’t f*cking go as planned.”
I come from a place where “keep talking” means you better shut the fuck up.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A PDF file
How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it’s gone
How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
Hilarious Jokes for Teens
What did the French teacher say to the class? I don’t know I couldn’t understand her.
Why couldn’t the teacher control her pupils? She couldn’t find her glasses.
What did the tomato say to the ketchup bottle? How you doin’ brother?
What can you catch but not throw? Your breath.
What did the chef say to make the raw potato laugh? This is going to be your last roast.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
“The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.”
“They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.”
