200+ Best Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes (2023 Updates): Criminal Law and Personal Injury Puns

A “Lawyer” profession is listed among some of the respectful professions, as lawyers work to represent individuals and corporations in civil trials, and to promote justice in criminal trials. One of the other reasons behind the importance of lawyers is that all individuals are equal, and each person deserves an equal chance to receive legal justice, and a lawyer helps them in fighting for their these battles.

If you’re a lawyer, then we’re sorry in advance. Behind creating this article, we’re are not intended to harm the feelings or sentiments of people associated to this respectful profession. Take this article just as a laugh treat.

Here we have enlisted some of the Most Hilarious and Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes, which are categorized in several headings: Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes, Hilarious Lawyer Puns, Best Lawyer Jokes 2022, Clean Lawyer Jokes, Dirty Lawyer Jokes, Short Lawyer Jokes, Attorney Jokes, Criminal Law Jokes, and Personal Injury Lawyer Jokes.

Let’s have a laugh session:-

Extremely Funny Lawyer Jokes

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.

What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

Why did the lawyer wear a suit to bed? He wanted to have a brief sleep.

What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth? The wooden partitions around the witness stand.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.

What do you call a group of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud — sooner or later, you realize they like it.

Hilarious Lawyer Puns

The semicolon who committed the neighbourhood robberies was administered two consecutive sentences by the lawyer.

Abraham Lincoln never had to call for a lawyer because he was already in a cent.

The lawyer won the luggage lawsuit in less than 6 hours. It turned out to be a brief case.

A photograph hurriedly rushed into his attorney’s office and screamed, “I think someone is framing me!”.

The police knocked over a man’s lamp while searching his apartment for clues related to a robbery. “That wasn’t warranted!”, he exclaimed.

Also Read: 100+ Extremely Funny Coffee Jokes for the Caffeine Enthusiasts

Best Lawyer Jokes 2023

What’ the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.

Know how copper wire was invented?
Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Clean Lawyer Jokes

A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So what’s the catch?”

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute stops screwing you when you’re dead.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a pig? A lawyer who is never wrong, but smells like bacon.

Why did the lawyer go broke? He couldn’t pass the bar.

Dirty Lawyer Jokes

Why do they bury lawyers in a hole 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really good people.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in a million have a chance of becoming human over time.

Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients?
It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.

What happened to the lawyer who took viagra?
He grew a few inches taller.

What is the difference between lawyers and leeches?
Leeches go away once you are dead.

Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other side of the settlement.

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a sheep? A ewe-nique defense strategy.

Short Lawyer Jokes

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

Why did the lawyer go to heaven? He thought it was a class action suit.

There are three sorts of lawyers – able, unable and lamentable. – Robert Smith Surtees

A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. – Lord Brougham

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a sperm? At least sperm is only one cell.

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.

What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? Your Honor.

Attorney Jokes

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.
“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
“What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is 130.”

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees.”

Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foreskin from slipping over their heads.

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

“Honest?” replies Peterson. “Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” “Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

“Dad sued me for the money.”

How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Criminal Law Jokes

A criminal lawyer tells the defendant, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” asks the defendant.
“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
“What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is 130.”

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”.
The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars”.
“A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?”
“It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

Why did the lawyer refuse to wear a mask? He wanted to plead the fifth amendment.

Why did the lawyer go to the bank? To get his briefs.

Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.

Personal Injury Lawyer Jokes

“Where there is a will there is a lawsuit” — Addison Mizner

A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
“You are the lawyer.” said the policeman.
“Exactly, so where’s my present?” replied the lawyer.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other is a fish.

It’s on the Reminder List I sent you Monday.
It’s on the Nag list I sent you Tuesday.
It’s on the PLEASE list I sent you Wednesday.
It’s on the URGENT list I sent you Thursday.
It’s on the THIS IS GOING TO BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE list I sent you Friday.

Why do they call it legal briefs? Because after reading them, you’re brief.

Why did the lawyer wear a necktie? To keep the foreskin from slipping over his head.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.