Funny Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes.

Retirement is an interval of life when people get lots of time to calm down, take pleasure in, and do whatever they can. Most people spend their full lives planning their anticipated retirement and when it comes they need appreciation from near and pricey ones because the fun time begins. You probably have anyone to greet with witty and silliest retirement wishes in order to add some further happiness then let these humorous retirement wishes messages infuse some humorous emotions right now. No matter he/she is your colleague, boss, buddy, mum or dad, grandparent, or any close neighbor these humorous retirement quotes and messages will make them cheerful and convey a cute smile on their face. 

Get pleasure from reading these humorous retirement wishes and messages to make your greetings humorous and wish your desired one a happy retirement.

Funny Retirement Wishes

Congratulations on your retirement! Now you can finally become a professional napper. Best wishes for a snooze-filled future!

Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living. Cheers to endless vacations and a life of leisure!

Retirement is the only time when you can have a drink in the middle of the week and not be judged. Enjoy your happy hour – all day, every day!

Now that you’re retired, you have more time for two things: doing what you love and pretending to be busy when relatives visit. Cheers to the good life!

Retirement is the only time when you can have a calendar full of absolutely nothing. Enjoy your schedule-free days!

Happy retirement! May your new boss (you) be more lenient and understanding than the old one!

Retirement is the perfect time to become the person you have always wanted to be – a person who doesn’t set an alarm.

What I wish for you as you retire in good health. May you be heart attack free as you grow fat just lazing around. Have a good retirement.

It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.

Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called

Congratulations on your retirement! Now you can trade your suits for sweats and your meetings for morning TV shows. Welcome to the good life!

Retirement is when you can finally stop counting the hours until Friday and start counting the hours until your nap.

Now that you’re retired, you have time for the important things in life: like perfecting your golf swing and trying every dessert on the menu!

Happy retirement! May your next chapter be filled with more relaxation and fewer meetings. You’ve earned it!

Retirement is the only time in your life when it’s acceptable to do nothing and still get praised for it. Enjoy every lazy moment!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your new boss (your spouse) be understanding when you forget to do the dishes. Cheers to domestic bliss!

Retirement is the time when you can finally enjoy the things you never had time to do before, like actually reading the terms and conditions.

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I wish to advise you not to try and cram too many activities into a short span of time. You have no deadlines to beat, no bosses to impress and no customers to satisfy so take your time and just relax.

Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.

Happy retirement. You should have retired when you were still young because then you had the strength to do much more. Now all you will be doing is sleeping, eating and walking the dog if you have one. No more strength for any meaningful work.

Happy retirement! May your golf swing be as smooth as your work exit. Here’s to a hole-in-one retirement!

Now that you’re retired, the only deadlines you have to worry about are the ones for your favorite TV shows. Enjoy the binge-watching!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your pension be big, your worries be small, and your naps be long.

Retirement is the only time when you can sleep late, and your spouse can’t complain about it. Sweet dreams and happy retirement!

Now that you’re retired, you can finally admit that the real reason you went to work was for the free coffee. Enjoy your caffeine-filled days!

Happy retirement! May your days be filled with more laughter, less stress, and all the adventures you’ve been dreaming of.

Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all for all the years that you were working you took things easy. Why should you change now?

May you enjoy your real retirement years just the way you enjoyed your retirement from the day you began working here. You have mastered the art of retirement and I can assure you that it looks good on you. Happy retirement.

No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditation’s you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.

Retirement is the time when you can finally stop pretending to be busy and start actually being busy with things you enjoy. Cheers to a full schedule of fun!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your new hobby be as enjoyable as the hours you spent avoiding work emails.

Retirement is the time when you can finally catch up on all the sleep you missed during your working years. Sweet dreams and happy retirement!

Happy retirement! May your golf scores be lower than your stress levels were at work. Enjoy the game of life!

Now that you’re retired, you can finally admit that you have no idea what day of the week it is. Welcome to the blissful confusion!

Retirement is the only time when doing nothing is not only acceptable but highly recommended. Enjoy the art of relaxation!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your newfound freedom be as sweet as the snacks you can now enjoy without guilt.

Retirement is the time when you can finally trade your desk chair for a beach chair. Cheers to a sun-soaked and stress-free future!

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Happy retirement! May your days be filled with more joy than your inbox was filled with emails. You’ve earned it!

Now that you’re retired, you can finally admit that your work password was always ‘1234.’ Cheers to leaving passwords and deadlines behind!

Retirement is the time when you can finally follow your dreams – as long as your dreams involve napping, reading, and traveling. Enjoy the pursuit of happiness!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your golden years be more enjoyable than all those gold watches you received at work.

Retirement is the only time when it’s perfectly acceptable to have ice cream for breakfast. Enjoy the sweet start to your day!

Happy retirement! May your new office attire be as comfortable as your favorite pair of pajamas. Welcome to the casual life!

Now that you’re retired, you can finally admit that your work commute was the real reason you wanted to retire. Enjoy the luxury of staying put!

Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

You are long past your due date and it is time for you to join the junk yard of retirees. Don’t worry, every once in a while someone finds treasure in a junk yard and who knows, it may just be you. Have a happy retirement.

Funny Retirement Messages

Retirement is the time when you can finally put ‘pro napper’ on your resume. Congratulations on your new title!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your schedule be as flexible as your retirement plans. Cheers to freedom!

Retirement is the time when you can finally embrace your true calling – being the family’s official taste tester. Enjoy the culinary adventures!

Happy retirement! May your days be filled with more joy than your boss’s face on the day you handed in your retirement letter.

Now that you’re retired, you can finally answer the question, ‘What do you do?’ with ‘Whatever I want.’ Enjoy the limitless possibilities!

Retirement is the only time when you can have a midlife crisis and not be judged for it. Enjoy your new sports car and adventurous pursuits!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your golf swing be as impressive as your career trajectory. Here’s to a hole-in-one retirement!

Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

If we could all have the same attitude you’ve had these last days before retirement, we’d all be a lot less stressed at work. Nothing would get done around here either, but that’s not the point.

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If you truly want to know if you will be missed when you retire try telling people that the retirement has been postponed and you will be coming back to work. I bet you can hear a pin drop. Yap! Now you know. Have a happy retirement.

Retirement is the time when you can finally admit that you never really liked the office coffee. Enjoy the good stuff from now on!

Happy retirement! May your days be filled with more joy than the company’s annual holiday party. Cheers to a celebration of freedom!

Now that you’re retired, you can finally say goodbye to work stress and hello to stressing about which movie to watch next. Enjoy the tough decisions!

Retirement is the time when you can finally stop pretending to enjoy small talk in the office kitchen. Cheers to meaningful conversations with yourself!

Congratulations on your retirement! May your days be filled with more leisure and less measuring the coffee grounds. Enjoy the perfect cup every time!

Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sunday? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.

Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.

It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grand-kids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

You always cursed your body when you were ill which made you miss an important deadline at work. Retirement is when you will finally curse yourself for using an important deadline at work as an excuse for not taking care of your body all these years.

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

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Your computer screensaver is a scene from Green Acres – so you can daydream about that farm you always wanted. Make best use of it, have a happy retirement.

Funny Retirement Quotes

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. – Gail Sheehy

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You can be sure that your immediate junior only pretends that they will miss you when you retire. Do not be fooled by that sad face. This person is so busy counting the minutes until they can take over your office space that they wish you had even left earlier. Enjoy your retirement anyway.

Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money. – Author Unknown

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. – Jonathan Clements

Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them. – Emily Claire Tamblyn

The retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. – Gene Perret

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. – R C Sherriff

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People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price. – George Burns

The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode. – A. Major

First, you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly, and then you forget to unzip your fly. – Branch Rickey

A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as it’s recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service. – Harry Mahtar

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples. – George Burns

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When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you. – Gene Perret

Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too. – Bill Vaughan

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock. – Dave Allen

Sending funny retirement quotes and messages to the retired person could add some extra fun on their happy moment of retired life. Try these funny messages and quotes to wish a happy retirement whom you like either you may send these messages with a card.

I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron. – Hartman Jule

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I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps. – Harry Emerson Fosdick

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