Jokes
110 Best Hilarious Little Johnny Dirty Jokes [2023 Update] To Make You Extreme Laugh Until Tears Fell From Your Eyes
Most jokes look funny because they are making fun of someone. Little Johnny is a fictional cartoon character of a little boy known for very straightforward thinking jokes. On the one side, he looks innocent, but on the other side, sometimes he shows us his knowledge of the terminology of sex. His jokes include a female counterpart. The character has introduced us to thousands of different Clean and Dirty Jokes about teacher, sister, mother, father, etc.
Today, from Little Johnny’s Jokes & Puns Dictionary, here we bring you 99 Best Hilarious Little Johnny Dirty jokes to make you excessively laugh until tears start falling from your eyes. Here we have mentioned Best Little Johnny Dirty and Clean Jokes on Sister, Teachers, Mom, Dad, and Little Johnny Dirty Jokes, which went viral on Tiktok.
Little Johnny Dirty Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, your socks are quite the odd couple – one’s green, and the other’s red!” Johnny: “I know!’ I’ve got a whole collection of these perfect mismatches back home!”
Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs Prussy.”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
“That’s right!” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds, Little Johnny says, “Mrs Crunt?
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and saidm “Well the trees are definitely green.”
The teacher said “No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall.”
The next little boy raised his hand and said, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher said, “No not really because the sky can be all different colors.”
From the back of the room Little Johnny raised his hand and asked, “Do farts have lumps?”
The teacher said, “No Johnny of couse not, that’s silly.”
The Johnny said, “Well then I definitely shit my pants!”
Little Johnny: Mam, will you punish me for something that I didn’t do???
Teacher: Not at all.
Little Johnny: That’s good, Actually I didn’t do my homework!
My teacher said, “If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.”
I said, “I don’t know about that Miss.
Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.”
Little Freddie: “My dad’s tougher than you dad!” “Oh Yeah!”
Little Johnny: “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!”
“Really? Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, “Turn out the light, I wanna eat””
Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?”
His mother replies, “The stork brings them.”
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”
“Tell me, Johnny” said his teacher, “if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?”
“One hundred dollars,” said Johnny.
“I’m afraid you don’t know your math very well,” said the teacher.
“I may not know my math,” said Johnny, “but I know my father.”
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
‘I’ve lost five cents,’ sobbed Johnny. ‘Don’t worry,’ said his dad kindly. ‘Here’s five more for you,’.
At this Johnny howled louder than ever. ‘Now what is it?’ asked his dad. ‘I wish I’d said I’d lost ten cents!’
Two children, Little Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly.
Little Johnny: Why are you crying?
Alex: I came here for a blood test.
Little Johnny: So? Are you afraid?
Alex: No, For the Blood Text, they cut my finger.
After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and,
Alex asked: Why are your crying now?
Little Johnny: I came for a urine test!
Little Johnny’s father said, ‘let me see your report card.’
Johnny replied, ‘I don’t have it.’
His father asked.
“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
Teacher: “Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, geometry.”
Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, I’m a tree.”
Also Check: 60+ Best Extremely Funny Thanksgiving 2021 Jokes to make you hilarious laugh
Little Johnny Jokes Sister
Little Johnny’s teacher says to him, “Johnny! your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s!”
Did you just copy hers?, she asks.
Johnny says, “No, teacher, it is the same dog!”
One day Jimmy got home early from school.
His elder sister asked, “Why are you home so early?”
He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.”
She said, “Wow, my brother is a genius.
What was the question?”
Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”
Clean Little Johnny Jokes
“Johnny, where’s your homework?”
Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down.”
A young female teacher was giving her class of six years olds a quiz, “behind my back I’ve got something red, round and you can eat it What is it?” she asked.
‘an apple’ replied little raymond “no,” said the teacher ” It’s a tomato but it shows you thinking.” “I’ve now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it. “An Apple” replied little lan, “No” it’s an onion, but it shows you thinking.”
Little Scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says, “I’ve got something under my desk that is inch long, white and it has a red end.” “Dirty Little Boy” said the teacher “No it’s a match but it shows you were thinking,” he answered.
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
Little Johnny’s class were on an outgoing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board.
On the way out of the police station.
Little Johnny: “It was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel – they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”
Slowly, Johny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, “are you dumb? this is not real money.” Little Johnny responds, “You’re stupid, neither is the car…”
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher: Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was crying to school. I saw a dead body.”
Little Johnny: “I saw a dead body cycling to school.”
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again. Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.” The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.” The teacher asked him why he was a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican.” Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”
Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why Thank You!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you… I would becoming too!
Teacher: Little Johnny, go on the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on a alphabet. “Johnny,”
she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”
TEACHER: “Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.”
JOHNNY: “De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tail”
Little Johnny Dirty Jokes Mom and Dad
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”
Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Little Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Little Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.
Teacher: “Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny: “No miss, my mother is a really good cook.”
Johnny: “Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?”
Dad: “No son, why do you ask?”
Johnny: “Well where did you find our mummy?”
Teacher: Johnny, You know you can’t sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know, But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him “Johnny, where is your report card?”
Johnny replies “sorry dad, I don’t have it”. His father is furious and says “why not?”
Johnny replies “I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.”
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The policeman said, “What’s he like?”
Little Johnny replied, “Beer and women!”
Johnny: mom, I’m bored I want to do something.
Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don’t you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you’ll learn something.
So Johnny does what his mom told him and spends all day across the street. He comes home in time for dinner.
Mom: So Johnny, what did you learn today?
Johnny: Well, first the mason comes and pours the fucking slab, then the carpenter puts up the cocksucking frame, finally the interior guy shows up and finishes the goddamn drywall.
Mom: JOHNNY! I’m going to whup your little butt. Go out back and fetch me a switch.
Johnny: Fuck you, that’s the electrician’s job.
What’s the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
Mayonnaise doesn’t hit the back of a girls throat at 40 mph.
Little Johnny says “Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”
“Well, you’ve done the right thing,” says Mommy
“But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”
Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.
One day a neighbour sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says “those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don’t you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?”
Johnny smiles and says “yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.”
Teacher: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
Little Johnny: Simple it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Little Johnny Dirty Jokes Tiktok
Teacher: “Little Johnny, how do you spell “elephant”?”
Little Johnny: “E-L-E-F-A-N-T”
Teacher: “No Johnny, that in incorrect.”
Johnny: “Maybe it is wrong Miss but you asked how I spell it.”
Johnny was in class when his teacher asks:
Johnny, there are five birds on a tree. You shoot one, how many are left.
None, miss. The others will fly away!
The right answer is four, but i like the way you think.
Johnny goes quiet, and then raises his hand.
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.
Teacher tries to make a joke: “Johnny, don’t swallow me.”
He replies: “Don’t worry, teacher, I don’t eat pork.”
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: I ain’t had no fun in months.”
Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “”Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.
A friend asks “Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?”
Johnny replies “I got a ticket from my sister.”
The friend asks “and where is your sister?”
Johnny says “Back at home, looking for her ticket.”
Teacher: How do most men define marriage?
Little Johnny: A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
Little Johnny: “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” says his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny runs back outside telling to his friends, “Its okay, we can play that game again!”
Father: Son this time, you haveto score 90% marks in your exams.
Little Johnny: No father I’ll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: who started?
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, ‘I’ve lost my dad!’
The policeman said, ‘What’s he like?’
Little Johnny replied, ‘Beer and Women’
Teacher: What makes you see?
Little Johnny: My eyes, my nose, and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Little Johnny: Its to hold my glasses!