Jokes
110 Best Hilarious Little Johnny Dirty Jokes [2023 Update] To Make You Extreme Laugh Until Tears Fell From Your Eyes
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Most jokes look funny because they are making fun of someone. Little Johnny is a fictional cartoon character of a little boy known for very straightforward thinking jokes. On the one side, he looks innocent, but on the other side, sometimes he shows us his knowledge of the terminology of sex. His jokes include a female counterpart. The character has introduced us to thousands of different Clean and Dirty Jokes about teacher, sister, mother, father, etc.
Today, from Little Johnny’s Jokes & Puns Dictionary, here we bring you 99 Best Hilarious Little Johnny Dirty jokes to make you excessively laugh until tears start falling from your eyes. Here we have mentioned Best Little Johnny Dirty and Clean Jokes on Sister, Teachers, Mom, Dad, and Little Johnny Dirty Jokes, which went viral on Tiktok.
Little Johnny Dirty Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, your socks are quite the odd couple – one’s green, and the other’s red!” Johnny: “I know!’ I’ve got a whole collection of these perfect mismatches back home!”
Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs Prussy.”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
“That’s right!” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds, Little Johnny says, “Mrs Crunt?
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and saidm “Well the trees are definitely green.”
The teacher said “No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall.”
The next little boy raised his hand and said, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher said, “No not really because the sky can be all different colors.”
From the back of the room Little Johnny raised his hand and asked, “Do farts have lumps?”
The teacher said, “No Johnny of couse not, that’s silly.”
The Johnny said, “Well then I definitely shit my pants!”
Little Johnny: Mam, will you punish me for something that I didn’t do???
Teacher: Not at all.
Little Johnny: That’s good, Actually I didn’t do my homework!
My teacher said, “If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.”
I said, “I don’t know about that Miss.
Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.”
Little Freddie: “My dad’s tougher than you dad!” “Oh Yeah!”
Little Johnny: “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!”
“Really? Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, “Turn out the light, I wanna eat””
Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?”
His mother replies, “The stork brings them.”
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”
“Tell me, Johnny” said his teacher, “if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?”
“One hundred dollars,” said Johnny.
“I’m afraid you don’t know your math very well,” said the teacher.
“I may not know my math,” said Johnny, “but I know my father.”
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
‘I’ve lost five cents,’ sobbed Johnny. ‘Don’t worry,’ said his dad kindly. ‘Here’s five more for you,’.
At this Johnny howled louder than ever. ‘Now what is it?’ asked his dad. ‘I wish I’d said I’d lost ten cents!’
Two children, Little Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly.
Little Johnny: Why are you crying?
Alex: I came here for a blood test.
Little Johnny: So? Are you afraid?
Alex: No, For the Blood Text, they cut my finger.
After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and,
Alex asked: Why are your crying now?
Little Johnny: I came for a urine test!
Little Johnny’s father said, ‘let me see your report card.’
Johnny replied, ‘I don’t have it.’
His father asked.
“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
Teacher: “Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, geometry.”
Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, I’m a tree.”
Also Check: 60+ Best Extremely Funny Thanksgiving 2021 Jokes to make you hilarious laugh
Little Johnny Jokes Sister
Little Johnny’s teacher says to him, “Johnny! your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s!”
Did you just copy hers?, she asks.
Johnny says, “No, teacher, it is the same dog!”
One day Jimmy got home early from school.
His elder sister asked, “Why are you home so early?”
He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.”
She said, “Wow, my brother is a genius.
What was the question?”
Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”
Clean Little Johnny Jokes
“Johnny, where’s your homework?”
Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down.”
A young female teacher was giving her class of six years olds a quiz, “behind my back I’ve got something red, round and you can eat it What is it?” she asked.
‘an apple’ replied little raymond “no,” said the teacher ” It’s a tomato but it shows you thinking.” “I’ve now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it. “An Apple” replied little lan, “No” it’s an onion, but it shows you thinking.”
Little Scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says, “I’ve got something under my desk that is inch long, white and it has a red end.” “Dirty Little Boy” said the teacher “No it’s a match but it shows you were thinking,” he answered.
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
Little Johnny’s class were on an outgoing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board.
On the way out of the police station.
Little Johnny: “It was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel – they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”
Slowly, Johny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, “are you dumb? this is not real money.” Little Johnny responds, “You’re stupid, neither is the car…”
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher: Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was crying to school. I saw a dead body.”
Little Johnny: “I saw a dead body cycling to school.”
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again. Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.” The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.” The teacher asked him why he was a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican.” Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”
Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why Thank You!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you… I would becoming too!
Teacher: Little Johnny, go on the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on a alphabet. “Johnny,”
she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”
TEACHER: “Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.”
JOHNNY: “De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tail”
Little Johnny Dirty Jokes Mom and Dad
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”
Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Little Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Little Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.
Teacher: “Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny: “No miss, my mother is a really good cook.”
Johnny: “Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?”
Dad: “No son, why do you ask?”
Johnny: “Well where did you find our mummy?”
Teacher: Johnny, You know you can’t sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know, But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him “Johnny, where is your report card?”
Johnny replies “sorry dad, I don’t have it”. His father is furious and says “why not?”
Johnny replies “I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.”
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The policeman said, “What’s he like?”
Little Johnny replied, “Beer and women!”
Johnny: mom, I’m bored I want to do something.
Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don’t you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you’ll learn something.
So Johnny does what his mom told him and spends all day across the street. He comes home in time for dinner.
Mom: So Johnny, what did you learn today?
Johnny: Well, first the mason comes and pours the fucking slab, then the carpenter puts up the cocksucking frame, finally the interior guy shows up and finishes the goddamn drywall.
Mom: JOHNNY! I’m going to whup your little butt. Go out back and fetch me a switch.
Johnny: Fuck you, that’s the electrician’s job.
What’s the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
Mayonnaise doesn’t hit the back of a girls throat at 40 mph.
Little Johnny says “Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”
“Well, you’ve done the right thing,” says Mommy
“But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”
Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.
One day a neighbour sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says “those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don’t you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?”
Johnny smiles and says “yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.”
Teacher: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
Little Johnny: Simple it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Also Check: 99 Best Extreme Funny Deez Nuts Jokes to make you laugh until Tears felt from your Eyes
Little Johnny Dirty Jokes Tiktok
Teacher: “Little Johnny, how do you spell “elephant”?”
Little Johnny: “E-L-E-F-A-N-T”
Teacher: “No Johnny, that in incorrect.”
Johnny: “Maybe it is wrong Miss but you asked how I spell it.”
Johnny was in class when his teacher asks:
Johnny, there are five birds on a tree. You shoot one, how many are left.
None, miss. The others will fly away!
The right answer is four, but i like the way you think.
Johnny goes quiet, and then raises his hand.
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.
Teacher tries to make a joke: “Johnny, don’t swallow me.”
He replies: “Don’t worry, teacher, I don’t eat pork.”
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: I ain’t had no fun in months.”
Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “”Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.
A friend asks “Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?”
Johnny replies “I got a ticket from my sister.”
The friend asks “and where is your sister?”
Johnny says “Back at home, looking for her ticket.”
Teacher: How do most men define marriage?
Little Johnny: A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
Little Johnny: “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” says his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny runs back outside telling to his friends, “Its okay, we can play that game again!”
Father: Son this time, you haveto score 90% marks in your exams.
Little Johnny: No father I’ll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: who started?
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, ‘I’ve lost my dad!’
The policeman said, ‘What’s he like?’
Little Johnny replied, ‘Beer and Women’
Teacher: What makes you see?
Little Johnny: My eyes, my nose, and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Little Johnny: Its to hold my glasses!
Deez Nuts is a slang term that is used to butt into any conversation and make a mess of the proceedings. In a purely literary sense, it refers to the testicles and is used to alter or disrupt the flow of any conversation.
The origin of the word can be first traced to an album by Dr. Dre titled ‘Deeez Nuuuts’ which was released in 1992. The song features a telephonic conversation between a man and a woman and during the conversation, the man suddenly cries-“Deez nuts!” and within a year the phrase became a common feature among hip-hop and R&B artists. By 1993 the term appeared in many titles of songs by the rapper A.L.T. and the R&B group Xscape. The term thus became a tool for disruptive interruption of any conversation.
The original mention of the phrase happened in Dr Dre’s song and the phrase continued to be in use for years until 2015 when an Instagram user named WelvenDaGreat uploaded a video that featured himself in conversation with a friend telling a Deez Nuts joke and the video became an instant internet sensation and became viral in no time.
However, it was a strange turn of events that had a twist of irony when Deez Nuts became a Presidential candidate and scored third place in the public polls just behind Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. A 15-year-old Iowa native named Brady Olson registered the pseudonym to vent his frustration against both the two major political parties who were in the fray.
The very fact that something like the phrase Deez Nuts can be inserted in a serious occasion like the US Presidential election caught the attention of the general public. The public even believed that WelvenDaGreat, who created the Deez Nuts conversation banter in his YouTube video, was indeed the Presidential candidate.
With the sudden spurt in Social media platforms often phrases and slang become the trend and widely used in the content which are uploaded on these platforms. Deez Nuts can be used by both genders and is often used as a tension breaker during conversations. It is generally used for trolling or can also be used to show disapproval during any conversation by referring to something overtly inappropriate like a sexual act.
Today Deez Nuts has become a very common online meme and is often also used in prank calls and prank videos. There is no paucity of online memes based on Deez Nuts.
Here is a collection of amusing Deez Nuts Jokes, which have the potential to make you laugh till you are in splits-
Amusing Deez Nuts Jokes To Laugh Out Loud
#1
Hello Darling! I need new sports shoes, Can I get some money from you??
Yes.. But..
Hey, I don’t what to listen to “BUTS” Hmm.
Fine then, I’ll only give you Deez Nuts.
#2
Do you know a guy named Barry?
Yes, I do. Well, Barry Deez nuts!
#3
Do you want to rent a sloop for today?
– Sloop on Deez Nuts!
#4
Hey, I met someone at the store today who said that they were actually ugondese.”
– Where’s that, I’ve never heard of it.
Set location to UgonDeez nuts
#5
Excuse me however do you Bofa?
– Bofa? I don’t think so?
Bofa Deez Nuts!
#6
Where’s your munyayo?
– Huh? What’s that?
DEEZ NUTS
#7
Me: Have you ever been to Chewons?
You: No. What’s Chewons?
Me: Chew on Deez Nuts
#8
Have you ever gone to a trade expo?
– Yes, I love expos.
#9
Are you going this afternoon?
– Going where
Down on Deez Nuts!
#10
Me: Have you ever been to Chewons?
– You: No. What’s Chewons?
Me: Chew on Deez Nuts!
#11
Hey, what’s 4*2? – 8. why?
You eight Deez Nuts!
#12
Do you prefer the Yankees or the Expos? – Expos Deez Nuts!
OR
Yank on Deez Nuts!
#13
#14
Can you name a state that starts with a ‘K’ besides Kentucky?
– No, what?
Have you heard of the state, Kandeeznutsfitinyourmouth?
#15
Do you like riding on trains?
– Yes.Because you can ride on Deez Nuts!
#16
Do you want me to buy one of these?
– Yeah sure
How about two of Deez Nuts.
#17
I am so sick of this. This sucks!
– What sucks?
You suck on Deez Nuts!
#18
Me: Do you find parodies funny?
Friend: Yeah, sometimes I do.
Me: Well, how about a pair of Deez Nuts Enya Mouth?!
#19
Do you want to come with me to the West Indies?
– The West Indies?
#20
You can’t have my heart,
– But you can hold my Deez Nuts!
#21
Don’t sit on that!
– Sit on what?
SIT ON Deez Nuts!
#22
Do you guys want some of my goodies?
– Yes, we do!
Okay, here’s a bag of good Deez Nuts!
#23
You will never guess who I saw hanging out together.
– Who?
Deez Nuts!
#24
What is your favourite day of the week? Mine is Wednesday.
– I don’t know. Why Wednesday?
Because that’s the only day when you can eat Deez Nuts.
#25
Do you know Mr. Felfor that lives next door?
– Mr. Feltfor? I don’t think so. Why?
Because you FELL FOR DEEZ NUTS!
#26
How did your doctor’s appointment go?
– It was OK, but I have a vitamin D deficiency. I need to spend more time outside.
I can help you to get that D.
-How?
I’m willing to give you some of Deez Nuts!
#27
“Honeys be like “Meth”; I be like “What?”
– “We want some free CDs”; I be like “See Deez Nuts!”
#28
Knock, knock.
-Who’s there?
-It’s your boy Dee, open up!
-Dee, who? -Deez nuts!
#29
Do you like boats?
-Yes.
What is your favorite type of boat?
-I like fishing boats.
How about tugboats?
-They are powerful
Tug on Deez Nutz
#30
“Hey, man are you leaving? Leaving what?
– LEAVING DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH”.
#31
Knock, knock! – Who’s there?
It’s your boy Dee, open up!Dee, who? Deez Nuts!
#32
Have you ever heard about the Russian millionaire Ivan Putindese?
– Ivan Putindese?
Yes, the Ivan PutinDEEZ Nuts!
#33
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Candice!
Candice who?
Candice nuts fit in your mouth?
#34
OMG Guys! Did you hear what happened to Justin?
– Justin time for Deez Nutz!
#35
You know where Norway is?
– Norway Deez Nuts can fit in yo mouth!
#36
Excuse me, do you sell Foshake?
– Foshake? I don’t think so?
Foshake Deez Nuts!
#37
Can you imagine dragons flying in the sky?
Yes, I can.
Then Imagine dragging Deez Nuts across your mouth.
#38
Wanna join me on a trip to The Andes? -The Andes? Where’s that supposed to be? It’s right next to the valley of An Deez Nuts!
#39
Teacher: I’m sorry, but I’ve graded your paper, and I’m going to have to give you a D.
Student: Well, I’m sorry too, because I need to give you Ds also.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: Deez Nuts!
#40
What is your favorite animation studio?
That’s easy, Walt Deez Nutz!
#41
Do you like parodies?
Yes, sometimes.
Then you’ll love it when I give you a pair of Deez Nuts!
#42
I can’t believe that Sophia speaks Ligondese.
Ligondese?
Yes, Lig-on-dese Nuts!
#43
Sometimes I miss cassette tapes.
Well, if you want, I cassette Deez Nuts on your face.
#44
What’s your favorite Pokémon?
Rhydon
Then come and Rhydon Deez Nuts!
#45
Did you just get beaten up by a Pokémon trainer?
Shut up!
He really Hitmontop Deez Nuts
#46
Come to the Dark Side; we’ve got Deez Nuts!
#47
Anakin got mad because he couldn’t handle the weight of… Deez Nuts
#48
I’d like to get Princess Leia on Deez Nuts
#49
Feeling Drowzee? Rest your head on Deez Nuts!
#50
What’s the most nervous Pokémon?
Bewear Deez Nuts!
Also Read:
Double Meaning Jokes SMS or Double Meaning Messages are those Jokes SMS Messages which have two meanings. These messages are used to mislead somebody which is why it’s referred to as dual meaning chutkule. In case you are looking for some very funny Double Meaning jokes then you might be in the right place.
Now we have an assortment of double-meaning textual content messages and jokes. Hope you’ll like these twin-meaning jokes and for those who like this please suggest this page to your friends. Have fun and luxuriate in your stay right here. Ship these double-meaning joke messages to your good friend’s mobile.
Double Meaning Jokes for Friend
1
Lady in bus: – aapka kuchch touch ho raha hai.
Adami: – oh, vo meri salary hai pocket mein.
Lady : – saale haraami ! teri salary 5 mint mein 3 gun badh gayi ?:
2
Sunny leone Comedy nights with kapil mein aayi
to ek darhsak ne kaha “main aap ka bahut bada prashanshak hoon.
mainne aapaki saari filmein dekhi hain.
kya main aapake saath aap ki film ka ek step kar sakta hoon?
is par siddhu ne kaha
“Guru, har peela phool aam nahin hota, har seeta ka pati ram nahin hota.
thodi jeb dheeli karo aur hotal ka kharcha, kyoki ye vo step hai
jo khule aam nahin hota. thoko.
3
Ladka: aaj bada pyaar aa raha hai…
Ladki: jaanu, tum aaj mujhase ek waada karo
Ladka: jo tumhaara dil kare… vo maang lo
Ladki: baby, wo jo saamane laal rang ki Car khadi hai na..
Ladka: haan…haan.. Ladki: jaanu, mujhe wo doge kya!
Ladka: main tumhe usee laal rang ki lipistick doonga
4
Santa bank me manager ban gaya
achanak bank me daaku aa gaye
Daaku santa se: pent utaar
Santa: maarna mat utarta hu.
Daaku: ab hath utha
santa ne daaku pe 4 thappad jad die
Daaku: Are saale maar kyon rha hai?
Santa darte hue.
bhai apne hi to bola hath utha 
5
Sheela – sir aaj kuchh naya padhaiyee
Teacher – bachchon har baat ke do matalab nikalate hain
Sheela – nikaal ke dikhaiyee sir
Teacher – Baith ja beti
Teri is baat ke bhi do matalab nikalte hain
6
Patni: Nashta Karlo.
Husband: Sx hi Mera nashta hai. (Aur pati sx karne lag jata haj)
Dopahar ko Patni: Lunch Karlo.
Husband: Sx hi Mera lunch hai, • (Aur pati sx kame lag Jata haj)
(Raat k0 jab pati ghar aata hai toh Patni panty utaar kar
heater ke aago baithi hoti haj)
Husband: Ye kya hai
Patni : Hawas ke pujari khana
garam kar rahi hun.
7
Chati se chati mili, mila ched se ched, ghasa ghas hone lage, nikla safed safed, batao kya?
Ans. Aata chakki
8
Aurat bade pyar se kholti hai aur ek anjan admi bade pyar se karta hai batao kya?
Ans – aurat bde pyar se darwaja kholti hai aur admi use namaste karta hai?
9
What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?
Ans – Heart
10
Who is the best goalkeeper in the world?
All women since they never allow balls to enter.
Also Read: Sunny Leone’s Snazzy Look in an All Black Avatar is a Mid-Week Treat for Your Eyes! (View Pics)
Double Meaning Jokes for Girlfriend
1
Boyfriend- Achanak bola:
Mujhe AIDS hai..
Girlfriend- KYA?
Boy- Ghabrao Mat…
Me mazaak kar raha hu,
Bas tumhari tight karni thi..
2
Chotu: Auntyji, you have a Bungalow, Cars, Bank balance, Nauker-Chaaker..,
Aap karti Kya Hai..??
Sunny Leone replies:-
Bas Beta, Ek Chhota Sa ‘HOLE-SALE’ ka Business hai.
3
Feeling bored?
Wondering, what to do?
Open the zip!
Enter your hands in between your zip..
take out your..
book from your bag and study.
4
1 Lady Travel Agent ke Pass Gayi, Aur Kaha ke Mujhe Honey Moon Ke Bilkul Saste Package Batao
Travel Agent: 50 Thousand Me 3 Countries, &
25 Thousand Me 1 Country
Lady: Aur Koi Is Se Sasta.?
Travel Agent: Ek Package Bilkul Free Hai…
Lekin Usmein Husband Hamaari Company Ka Hoga..!
5
Sharma ji ki party me dinner
karte hue Verma ji ke
pas
Mrs Sharma akar boli:
Bhaisaab, apne
to kuch liya hi nahi!”
Or 1
chicken ka leg-piece utha ke unki plate mein rakh diya.
Party khatam hone par Sharma ji ne
Verma ji se puchha:
“Khana kaisa tha?”
Verma Ji: Dishes to sabhi badiya
thi, par end mein bhabhi ji ne jo taang utha ke di, maza aa gaya!
6
Girl to doctor: Meri Umar 17 saal hai aur meri skin bohat soft aur sensitive hai.. Mera rang bhi bohat gora hai.. mein raat ko kya laga kar soya karun?
Doctor: KUNDI 
7
BF: I wanna kiss on Your Lips
GF: Upper Lips? or Lower Lips
BF: What?
GF: Horizontal Lips? or vertical Lips?
BF: I didn’t Understand
GF: Jaa Beta Jaake Pogo dekh.
8
Dulhan: Aaa Aaa… Dard ho raha hai, aaram se karo!
Dulha: Kuch nahi hoga… bas tum das tak gino… mein nikaal lunga.
Dulhan: 1, 2 Aah 3, 4, 5, Aah 6, 7 Aah, 8 Aah, 8 Vaao, 8, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4.. !!
9
Adhyapika: Baccho aaj hum vyakaran padhenge, to batao ek aurat ek khidki se jhaank rahi hai, ye kya hai!
Pappu: Madam Ji ye ek vachan hua!
Adhyapika: Accha Pappu, ab tum batao bahut se auraten khidki se jhaank rahi hain!
Pappu: kuch der sochne ke baad madam ye to Ra*di bazar hai!
10
Patni: Mein jabgaana gaati hun to tum bahar kyun khadi ho jaate ho!
Pati: Taaki logon ko ye na lage ki mein tumhare saath jabardasti kar raha hun!
Double Meaning Jokes for Boyfriend
1
Boy: Tumhari Car Kaisi Chal Rahi Hai?
Girl: Theek Chal Rahi Hai.
Boy: Aaj Shaam Ko Dogi Kya?
Girl: Haan Le Lena, But Ye Toh Batao Car Ke Baare Mein hi Kyun Pooch rahe ho Ya???
2
Bathroom Mein, 1 Boy Ne 1 Girl Ko Har Jagah Touch Kiya.
kya Tum Jaante Ho Ke Woh Boy Kaun Hai?……..Nahi….Woh Hai LIFEBOY!!!
3
Sex Karne Ke Baad Husband Bola: Darling, Airtel ka BALANCE Khatam Ho Gaya..!!–Itne Me Padosi Ka Baccha Apni chaddi utar Ke bola: Aunty VODAFONE ka chota recharge chalega..??
4
Wife- Bohot Machhar kaat rahe hain.
Misba Ul Haq- Goodnight ya All Out?
Wife- Goodnight laga do. All out to aap roz hi hote ho.
5
Teacher: What came 1st Sun or Moon ???
Santa: obviously Moon..
Teacher: How?
Santa: Madam ji Honey’moon’ hoga tabhi to ‘Son’ ayega na !
6
Girl: If you will propose me with shortest sentence ever then only I will accept
..
..
Boy: DEGI?
7
What is the thing that a man hides and women shows while walking?
Answer – Purse
8
Woh kya hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
Ans. Pocket.
9.
Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.
10
Boy: Mujhse Shaadi Karlo Mera Bahut Lamba hai!
Girl: Kyaa??
Boy: Anubhav
Girl: Ohh Thik Hai, Mein Taiyaar Hun Mera Bhi Kaafi Gehra Hai
Boy: Kyaa??
Girl – Aatmavishwas
11
Saas: Ye bartan kisne tode…
Bahu: Ji hamari ladai hogayi thi…
Saas: Accha to ye palang kaise tuta…
Bahu: Ji haamara samjhauta hogaya tha!!
12
Badi behen honeymoon par gayi!
Choti ne message kiya, didi jo jeans di thi, usse jarur pehanana!
Didi ne jawab diya, iss haramkhor ne 4 din se chaddi nahi pehanane di, aur tujhe jeans ki padi hai?
13
A beautiful lady was speaking to a General at a party:
Lady: When was the last time you had sex?
General: 1945.
Lady: Oh my God! How about some now ?
General: [Looks at his watch] No, I’m cool. It’s only 2030.
14.
Tujhe Dekh Ke
Khara Hota Hai
Meri Hasraton ka Minaar…
Wah Wah…
Ab Jhuk Jara Daal Dun
Tere Gale Mein Phoolon Ka Haar…
Be Positive
Mere yaar…
15.
Biwi Ko Din Mein Karoge To Vo Sust Rahegi…
Sham Ko Karoge To Chust Rahegi…
Roj Karoge To Tandrust Rahegi…
Karte Rahoge To Khush Rahegi…
“Office Se Sirf 1 Call”
16.
Sunny Leone is casted in the sequel of
Hum Aapke Hain Kaun… With Family Song…
Bhabhi Tum Khushiyon ka Khajan…
Dicckk Tana Dik tana a dck tana!
Funny Double Meaning Jokes
1
Girl: Bas Kro Aur Kitna Karoge Raat Ke
12 Baje Se Kar Rahe Hain Ab Subha Ho Gyi Hai
Thake Nhi Kya…???
Boy: Ye To Kuch Nhi, Ab Main To Din Raat
Karunga Qki Mere To 3000 Sms Free Hai…!!!
2
Usne Utaari Saree, Fir Aayi Paticoat Ki Bari, Blouse To Pahle Hi Diya Tha Utar…!!!
;;
;;
;;
Zayda Excited Mat Ho Yaar, Yeh Tha Kapray
Sukhane Ka Taar…
3
Ladkiyan apas me Gale Milte waqt
Kya Sochti Hai…??
Is Ke To Mujh se Bhi Zyada “Bade” Ho
Gye hai…!!
;;
;;
;;
Pta nhi kaunsa shampoo use karti hai, “BAALON” pe…!!!
Also Read: 50+ Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry
4
Girl: Kal raat to hadd he ho gayi, Uff 2 ghante! meri to jaan he nikal gayi
Saare kapre geele ho gaye
Pehle to ek ghanta karte the
Magar kal to poore 2 ghante tak bina ruke kiya
1 Ghanta hi buhat tha
.
.
.
ye 2 Ghante ki Load Shedding to jaan he nikal leti hai.
5
Ek Aurat Auto Rukwa Kar Paise
Pay Karte-
Karte Doosre Auto Mein Baith Gayi
.
Pehla Auto Wala Hadbadi Mein
Jaldi-Jaldi Se Bola.
Auto Wala: “Ye Kya Baat Hui,
Madam?
Khada Aapne Mera
Karwaya, Aur Chadd Doosre Par
Gayi?“
6
14 Saal Ka Ladka Apne Pados Ki Aunty Se Puchhta Hai,
Ladka: “Aunty, Ladkiyon Ko 12 Saal Ki Umar Mein Bachcha Hota Hai Kya?”
Aunty: “Nahi”
Ladka: “To Fir Apni Beti Ko Samjhao Na, Faltu Mein Condom Ka Kharcha Karwati Hai“
7
Wo kaun si cheez hai jisme ladkiyaan ladke se kahti hai aur jyada andar daalo?
Answer- sui me dhaga
8
What starts with an ‘S’ and ends with a ‘K’ and you can’t enjoy it until you put it in your mouth?
Snack.
9
My friend told me, he was working on a special Project “Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium, and Steel under a constrained environment”
I was impressed.
Later when I come to know that idiot was washing utensils in warm water, under the supervision of his wife !!
10
I was flying Lufthansa from New Delhi to Vienna. It’s a long, 8 hr flight and mine was a late night one.
Most of the air hostesses were blue eyed blondes for the exception of one lady who was a bit older, perhaps in her 40s.
So people were settling in to sleep while I was still finishing my dinner and many people kept calling for the hostesses, some for water, some for blankets..
The blondes were quite pretty. I pressed the flight call attendant button hoping one of them would turn up and I’d perhaps strike up a conversation as I wasn’t sleepy.
But the older lady turned up for me. So I just told her that they are doing a great job and I’m enjoying my flight with them. She paused for a second and looked at me intently and said, “thanks, but is there something you want young man?”
I took a moment. And then quietly said :
“I’d love to have another one of these mango mousses”
She smiled, went back and got me TWO.
11
Papp galli mein peshab kar raha tha…
Tabhi vahan se ek ladki nikli…
Pappu ko peshab karta dekhkar…
Ladki vahan ruk gayi…
Pappu – Dariya mat!
Aap jissase dar rahi hain
usse mene pakad rakha hai!
12
Tu ameer ghar ki ladki hai isliye shayad tere itna bade hain…
Tere inn badon ke chakkar mein mere armaan khade hain.
13
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”
The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”
14
Baap apne bete the result lene school gaya!
Baap: Madam kab dogi? Kaafi der se mera Pappu khada hai.
Madam: Period To Khatam Hone Do!
Jokes
101+ Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry (Exclusive)
Over 101 hilarious jokes guaranteed to make you cry with laughter, featuring adult humor suited for an 18+ audience.
Laughing is essential in life and this sense, Jokes play an important role in tickling. Start your day with these 100+ Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry. These Hilarious Jokes, we have gathered for you by the suggestions from our team members. Hope you will like our collection of 100+ “Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry”. These one-liners would also make great custom t-shirts to gift to your friends or to express your geeky and comical side.
101 Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
- What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill!
- I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
- What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel like it’s good enough? – Impasta Syndrome!
- Dear life, when I said “Can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
- I’m so tired of saying “Oh shit, my mask…”. Like I’m Batman or some shit.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent
- What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
- What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
- What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry!
- What do cows read the most? Cattle-logs.
- What did 0 say to 8? “Nice belt.”
- Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.
- What does a spy do when he is cold? He goes undercover.
- What would bears be without bees? Ears.
- What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
- What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
- What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
- Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
- What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
- Why can you never hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
- What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
- What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
- One night an aeroplane was burglarized, and all the toilet paper was stolen. When the police came to investigate, their report was inconclusive, because they had nothing to go on.
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? DAM!
- Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give to me learn that lesson myself.
- I admit that my level of weirdness is above the average, but i’m comfortable with it.
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
One-Liner Jokes
- My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.
- I said to my friend, “Let’s take turns naming American vice-presidents, Al Gore first.”
- My friend’s selling a load of broken yo-yos, no strings attached.
- I tried drag racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.
- I went geese hunting the other day but once they started flying I knew the game was up.
- What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Where does the general put his armies? In his sleeves.
- What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
- How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
- How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
- I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local library wasn’t too happy about it.
- It’s really important to obey the laws of grammar, after all, rules are rules.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Hilarious Jokes for Adults
- Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
- Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
- What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes
- What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? A penis
- A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
- I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.
- You don’t need a driver license to ride me.
- My entire life can be summed up in one sentence… “well that didn’t f*cking go as planned.”
- I come from a place where “keep talking” means you better shut the fuck up.
- The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
- My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
- My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
- If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
- What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A PDF file
- How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it’s gone
- How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
- How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
- What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.
- What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
- I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person.
- My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
- Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
Hilarious Jokes for Teens
- What did the French teacher say to the class? I don’t know I couldn’t understand her.
- Why couldn’t the teacher control her pupils? She couldn’t find her glasses.
- What did the tomato say to the ketchup bottle? How you doin’ brother?
- What can you catch but not throw? Your breath.
- What did the chef say to make the raw potato laugh? This is going to be your last roast.
- For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
- “The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.”
- “They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.”
Also Read: 40+ Funny Dirty Jokes of the Day
- What gets sharper the more you use it but dull if you don’t use it at all? Students
- What’s the difference between the ACT and SAT? One letter.
- What do a school and a plant have in common? STEM.
- What do you do if there is a kidnapping at high school? You wake him up.
- I’m mostly “Peace, Love and Light” and a little “Go F*ck Yourself “
Hilarious Jokes for Kids
Q: What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
A: Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will Let It Go.
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
A: They woke him up.
Q: Why is there a fence around a cemetery?
A: People are dying to get in.
Q: What music frightens balloons?
A: Pop music.
Q: What did the policeman say to his belly button?
A: You’re under a vest.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never lands.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over-swept.
We hope you’ve loved reading our collection of 100+ Best Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry.
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